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Loving Your Kids is The Key to a Good Parenting

 

While it might be obvious, many parents did not realize that loving your child holds the ultimate key towards a successful parenting. This sentiment is also echoed by a psychologist called Paul Gilligan that spent 25 years of his life working as a clinical psychologist with children and teenagers.

Gilligan said that children who love themselves and is loved by their parents will have a much healthier sense of emotional well-being as well as a stronger psychological resilience. He added that loving your child is the essence of emotional well-being.

However, Gilligan also understands that it’s hard to juggle between work and family while living in the modern world. That’s why on his new book, Raising Emotionally Healthy Children, Gilligan wrote some tips that could help parents to achieve a successful parenting.

1. Teach positive discipline

Some of you might be confused about the connection between loving your child and positive discipline. However, to make the child feel good about themselves, it’s necessary to make them learn how to obey rules and control their behavior.

What Gilligan mean as positive discipline is not a punishment-based discipline as it would instead create difficulties in parent-child relationship. For Gillian, the discipline parents should strive for is the one that could foster self-belief in their child, and to make them feel good about themselves and encourage them to see the good in other person or their peers.

2. Spend time with your child as much as they need

There are many parents that Gilligan met during his research that are really hung-up about the “quality time” they spend with their kids. For Gilligan, parents should stop feeling guilty of not spending enough time with their child and instead try to include the time spent with the child into their daily lives.

This activity can vary from simple things such as letting them help us with cleaning, going out to buy groceries while chatting on the way there, or simply having dinner together and talk about their day and yours.

For Gilligan, the best time spent together isn’t once a week where you could have an intense talk, but the one integral to daily living where kids can interact with their parents and enjoying it.

3. Express your love for them

There is nothing simpler in loving your child than expressing your love to them.

While it sounds simple and easy, showing your kids that you love them as much as you could make a big difference in building their self-belief and self-esteem. It doesn’t matter what age they are, they would love to hear someone say they love them. They want to believe that they are loved.

And nothing is better than telling and showing them exactly that.

4. Listening and communicating

Gillian wrote in his book that the most effective way to teach children to feel good about themselves is by listening and communicating with them genuinely, honestly, and constructively.

What he means by this is that it’s important for parents to pay attention to their child’s actions and behaviors, because often times this is how they would express what they are feeling.

If we could be a great listener when they are young, they will learn that when they have a problem, we are there to listen to them. And by learning that, they will be much more likely to talk to us when they grow older.

 

By loving your child, you are not only showing them that they are wanted, but you are also telling them that you are there to not only be their parents but also as their friends. You are reinforcing that it’s okay for your child to tell their worries to you.

And for the child, nothing is more reassuring than having their parents be there for them.

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You Should Let Your Kids Hear These Sentences So They Can Be A Good Adult!

 

Andrew N Meltzoff, a researcher from the University of Washington’s Department of Psychology wrote a journal that children learn from watching their parents. However many people fail to notice is that children will also mimic verbal behavior. That is why, if you want your kids to grow up to be a good person, these are some sentences your kids should hear.

1. “I don’t know”

While it might be scary to admit that you don’t know about what your child is asking you, this is one of many sentences your kids should hear more often.

By saying “I don’t know”, you are showing your child that you are also a vulnerable person. If you could say it with enough confidence, you are also teaching your kids that it is okay to not know everything.

However, you should not stop there. You can encourage your kids to find the answer together with you. That way, you are subtly telling them to find an answer if they stumble upon something they don’t know.

2. “I’m sorry”

If you want to show humility and empathy to your kids, the best way is to say that you are sorry. By saying “I’m sorry”, you are teaching about the importance to do introspection and self-reflection when your kids harm another person, be it knowingly or not.

If they see you apologizing after making a mistake, they will take note of it and start to internalize about the connection of mistakes and apology.

But that’s not all, by saying that you are sorry, you are also teaching your children the first step of reconciliation and recovery.

3. “I trust you”

Another sentence your kids should hear is “I trust you”.

Just like how adults loved to be trusted, children are the same. By saying that you trust them, you will raise the stakes of them acting much more trustworthy. This trust is usually given, but parents need to say it in a way that makes them feel like it’s earned. They will have to work hard for us to trust them.

By saying that you trust them, you will also raise their self-worth. This will make your kids to less likely feel hesitant about their decision when they grow up.

4. “What do you think?”

When you are in the middle of planning a dinner, try asking what your child wants. Just like other people, children are in dire need to know whether their opinions are valued or not.

By asking them about their opinion—especially about things they are interested in and you have no clue about—you are helping them mature and help them form their own voice and cohesive opinion.

If your child can see you doing this a lot, they will also grow to realize that it’s important to hear other people’s opinion.

5. “You were right.”

As a parent, you are still human. There will be instances where you disregard your child’s opinion over yours. But when their opinion turns out to be correct, you need to say “you were right.”

By saying this, you are implying to your child that it’s okay to admit you made mistakes. This sentence will also encourage reciprocation from your child, and will probably improve any sense of collaboration and equality between you as a parent and your child.

6. “I love you”

Among many sentences your kids should hear more, the most basic one is “I love you.” For your child, having you pronouncing your love to them is like a strong arms that hold them. Your child will always need to be reminded that the love you have for them is unconditional.

Because of that, you as a parent should say how you love your child. For some parents, it might be embarrassing, but if you hold back on pronouncing your love, your kids might think that you don’t love them at all.

But be careful, if you say it too much and while you don’t pay attention to your child, the sentence will lose its meaning altogether.

7. “I’m sure you can do it”

During their childhood, there will be times when your kid is faced with a problem that will take them a long time to finish. While they are stuck, they might feel like they are not capable to finish that task. This is when you should hug them and tell them:

“I’m sure you can do it.”

It’s another one of many sentences your kids should hear. For them, it will be something to boost their confidence. By saying this, you can show that you believe in them, but at the end of the day it’s still up to them to succeed or not.

8. “You decide”

Just like letting your child to voice their opinion, this time you should try to let your child be the one to decide things. It might be trivial things such as letting them decide which holiday plan would be the best for them, or what kind of play they would like to do.

This sentence is simple, but it holds many meanings. Simply by saying it, you are giving your child responsibility, independence, trust, decision space, and affirming that you value their ability to be self-determining.

 

Those are some examples of sentences your kids should hear more so they can be a well-adjusted people later in life. Obviously, there are many others like this. What about you? What kind of sentence do you think could give a positive reaction for your child?


Activities to do with your kids


In order to give positive vibes to your kids, you can put some motivational words to be packed with their lunches. By doing so, it will not only give your kids a pleasant surprise, but also to let your kids know that they are important to you.

This time, skiptomylou gives a very good example for this:

Image Credit: skiptomylouImage Credit: skiptomylou

You can print the cards on a white cardstock and put it inside their lunch box. You can download some of the notes for free here.

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Follow These Parenting Tips to Make Your Life as Parents Easier!

 

Being a parent is hard, especially for a first-time parents. How to be a good parent will always be a topic of discussion, because parents will always face many difficult battles and setbacks as they try to be a decent parent. And for that reason, many of them are trying to find good parenting tips.

However, when it comes to parenting, some parents strive to be the perfect parent and miss out on being a real parent for their kids. Remember, at the end of the day parenting is all about having a solid bond of care, love, attention, and connection with your kids.

That is also the reason why today we will give you a few good parenting tips that can help you bond with your kids. Of course it might be impossible to implement all of them, but you can make an outline and do it your way!

Modeling

Modeling is one of the best and the easiest way for kids to learn about something. You can show them things you want them to learn, starting from body postures, etiquettes on dining table, certain manners, and basically everything.

This is because kids are actually a very good observer. Whether you realize it or not, your kids will always take note of what their parents and their surroundings do and absorb it themselves. They don’t need to be taught or asked to do that, it’s natural for them.

This is also why as a parent, you should be careful of what you do in front of your kids, because they are like a small camera that will record what we do and keep it as a safe memory before recreating it in the future.

If you want your kids to be loving, caring, empathetic, and show respect to other people, you need to show them those quality first. Let them see you do those things and those qualities will automatically be incorporated in them.

No spanking

Spanking is usually the easiest way for parents to punish their child when they misbehave. However, this should not be the case. While spanking feels easy and fulfilling for the parents to do, it actually brings many bad effects to the child.

In a featured article by American Psychological Association (APA), it’s said that while spanking can work to stop a problematic behavior made by a child, it only works momentarily. Not only that, in the long term it will make the child become much more aggressive. This happens because a child in the end will mimic their parents.

A study published in Child Abuse and Neglect also revealed that kids who were punished physically by their parents, will more likely to use violence to resolve any conflicts between them and their peers or siblings. Since their parents usually use violence to resolve a conflict with the kids, they think it’s normal to resolve conflict that way.

Loving

One parenting tips that people seem to forget easily is to let your kids know you love them.

For the kids, love is like a magical force that can keep them happy all the time. There is of course the fear of giving too much love will spoil the kids, but it’s a total myth. It’s only spoiling when that love is overshadowed by too much materialistic goods, ignoring their misbehavior, and being overly protective.

Loving your kids means spending a good amount of time with your child and also listening to them. Rather than giving them expensive goods, express your love with kisses, cuddles, and even kisses. Make sure you are there when they need you the most, so they understand that they can come and speak to you when they encounter a problem or when they wanted to.

Reflecting

In the early days of parenting, new parents will usually try many parenting styles that are different from how they were raised previously. However, even though they will try to distance themselves from their parents’ style of parenting, sometimes they will instead repeat those styles.

Because of this, it’s important to reflect on yourself. Try to observe yourself, and in parallel create a list of what you want to improve. After you finished, try to connect it with the way you do your parenting. That way, you can help your kids to escape what you think is not ideal in you.

What you should take note is changing the way you raise your kids will be tough and difficult. You will have to deal with many trials and errors, but if you don’t give up and keep yourself firm, you will succeed one day.

Focus on your happiness

Another good parenting tips that people tend to take for granted is that parents should also put a focus on their own happiness. Sometimes, in the attempt of being good parents for our children, parents tend to forget their own well-being and their relationship with their partner. While it’s true your partner tend to be much more capable of taking care of themselves, but you should not forget to love them also.

Make it a priority to maintain a good balance between your own happiness, your relationship with your partner, and your child. If there is any slight imbalance between the three, it will be devastating for the child.


Activities to do with your kids


This time, the activity is for you as a parent. According to Diana Baumrind, there are 4 parenting styles that a parent can be: authoritative, authoritarian, permissive, and neglectful. Each of these parenting styles have their own positives and negatives. We will give you a few questions for each style, and you can predict which style of parenting you have.

Authoritative

In authoritative parenting style, parents are nice to their kids but still have their own expectations for achievement from the kids. You might be an authoritative parents if you:

  • Listen to what your kids are saying
  • Earn your kids’ respect, not demanding it
  • Try to reason with your children, instead of forcing them to follow you
  • Allow and encourage your kids to be free
  • Setting clear limits to your kids’ behavior

 

Authoritarian

Authoritarian parenting style revolves in parents enforcing their views on the kids. They will force the kids to follow them. You might be an authoritarian parents if you:

  • Don’t allow your kids to talk back
  • Demand your kids to respect you
  • Control the way your kids act and don’t let them ask questions
  • Acts distant from your kids
  • Have a very high standard for your kids

 

Permissive

Parents with permissive parenting style tend to let their kids get what they want. You might be a permissive parents if you:

  • Rarely say no to your kids’ demands
  • You do not monitor your kids’ activities
  • You give your kids total freedom to do what they want
  • You treat your kids like a peer
  • You are really responsive to your kids’ needs

 

Neglectful

Neglectful parenting style is when you are indifferent to your kids’ life. Usually, these parents have their own mental issues they need to address. You might be a neglectful parents if you:

  • Do not demand anything from your kids
  • Detached from your kids’ development
  • You give little to no supervision to your kids’ choice
  • You intentionally avoid your kids
  • You are overwhelmed by your own problems

 

Share your results with us and write your comments below! Happy parenting!

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Here Are 5 Tips on Nurturing Empathy on Kids!

 

There are a lot of debates regarding whether or not empathy is innate capacity in human or a learned trait. However, one thing is for sure. Nurturing empathy on kids will only result in good things for the children moving forward.

Children with empathy will be able to cope with conflict and difficult situations better compared to those without empathy. They will also be less likely to engage in bullying; rather, they might be more than likely to jump in and stand up for the bullied peer.

There are a few things parents could do regarding nurturing empathy on kids, and some of those are:

1. Model empathy

One way of nurturing empathy on kids is by practicing empathy to them. When parents empathize with our children, we can let them develop trust and secure attachment with the parents. This can be done with simple things, such as picking children up when they fall and listen to them.

When children see the way their parents use empathy to respond to difficult situations, they will start to internalize those actions and will try to learn practicing the same thing.

2. Teach empathy through play

When children are playing with dolls or other things, parents can try to follow their children’s lead and use the opportunity to teach empathy during the play. For example, if they are playing with dolls and one of the dolls bumps into another doll, you can say “Ouch, I think my doll is hurt, can you help them?”

With this action, children will start to think that if someone is hurt or needs help, they should help out.

3. Teach kids to identify their feelings

Another way that could help in nurturing empathy on kids is to label their feelings for them, be it positive or negative. That way, children can connect their emotional reactions with words. This is very important because it will be hard for a child to understand how other people feel if they could not identify theirs.

Parents can do this with many things, and one of them is by reading through a picture book and point out the facial cues on the characters.

4. Make caring as a priority

In order for children to understand that other people’s perspective is also valuable, they would need to hear it from their parents directly. Parents should tell their children that caring about other people is important—as important as their own happiness.

5. Give children time to practice empathy

There is almost nothing better than letting children practice their empathy. This can take form in a family meeting where children can have their voices heard and listen to other people’s perspective, to the simple gesture of asking about their classmates or friends.

By nurturing empathy on kids, parents are preparing their children for the future. Empathetic people are generally well-liked due to how they are “socially intelligent”. This will then increase their self esteem.


Activities to try with your kids


If you want to try nurturing empathy on kids, there are a few activities we can suggest for you, and those are:

1. Facial Expression Exercise

This exercise will help kids with knowing what kind of emotion is felt by other people. In order to do this, you can grab a piece of paper and draw a facial expression, then show it to your kids. Let them guess what kind of feeling is the person is expressing.

If you want to experiment even more, you can let your kids draw the expressions, and you can be the one to guess.

In order to help you, TeacherVision provided a sheet of basic facial expressions you can print and show to your kids.

If you want to go for even more advanced emotion, Thought Catalog have some photographs that might help you to introduce facial expression to your kids.

2. Create a scenario during play


When you are playing dolls with your kids, you can try to create a scenario such as one of the dolls fell, or they dropped their lunch. See the facial expression of your kids and ask them what do they feel seeing a doll got into an accident. Also, ask them about what they will do or whether or not they will help the doll.